Today's contributors are: Ann, Sara, Tabitha, Frank, Billy and Scott.
Subject: Cadbury Mini Eggs: Solid Milk Chocolate With A Crisp Sugar Shell
“Hey guys! I got us some Cadbury Mini Eggs to celebrate with!”
“What are we celebrating?”
“That I got us some Cadbury Mini Eggs? I got us six bags. I figure we could have a race and see who finishes theirs first.”
“No. That's stupid. I'm not shoving a bag full of chocolate eggs in my mouth as fast as I can.”
“Yeah, come on. It'll be fun!”
“No it won't. It'll be disgusting.”
“I'm going to have to agree with Tabitha. I'm not really into those eggs anyway. I prefer the big crème filled ones.”
“I'll play. What else have I got to do anyway?”
“I can't believe you bought six bags...and you're unemployed.”
“A girl can't be mopey all day long. I need my chocolate.”
“The best bet would have been to not get fired.”
Sara just glares at Tabitha.
“Whatever. Are you in Scott?”
“Chocolate, competitions, possibly getting sick? What's not to love?”
“Good. We have two extra bags..maybe we should do a little single elimination tournament?”
“You are proposing we eat a second bag afterwards? Let's just leave those to eat during the week okay?”
“Yeah, you know how Tabitha gets when there is vomit all over the place.”
“Everyone's cleaning up their own vomit. Girl's room is off limits, so if you're going to puke Sara, use their bathroom.”
“I'm not going to puke. Relax.”
“Yeah Tab, just think of the chocolate as Sara's valentine's gift to you.”
“You shouldn't feel obligated to put out though.”
“Yes she should.”
“You're right, yes you should.”
“Screw you all!” Tabitha says, and storms away.
“You guys ready? Sure you don't want in Ann?”
“I'm sure. I actually think it might be more fun watching. I'll be the judge.”
They start on Ann's signal and start shoving chocolate eggs in their mouth. They start making a colossal mess as shattered candy shells spray out of their too-full mouths to add to the mess of the crumbs of the overturned bags.
“Done!” Sara shouts, slamming her hand down on the counter.
“Rmmm! Mmhrhrm hmrm mmrrmhm!”
“I have to agree with Billy.”
“I think I'm going to be sick.”
“I scratched the roof of my mouth on a candy shell.”
“Me too. It was worth it though.”
“You're the mini-egg eating champ. Aren't you so proud?”
“I can't believe I lost to a girl.”
“Loser. You're a big loser!” Sara taunts.
“It's over Billy, you can stop eating them.”
“They're yummy though.”
Scott moans from the couch. “Urgh! I feel sick..I feel sick.”
“I thought that was part of the fun.”
“Not when I lose.”
“If Santa leaves you coal when you're bad, does the Easter Bunny leave you speckled egg vomit?”
“He probably leaves you rotten eggs. You get last year's batch.”
“So if you're bad, the Easter Bunny gives you salmonella?”
“And he uses lead-based paint dyes on the eggs so you get lead poisoning too.”
“Damn, the Easter Bunny can sure be a bastard!”