Today's contributors are: Ann, Frank, Billy and Scott.
Subject: Upcoming Bomb
“You guys have to see this horrible movie that's coming out Friday.” Billy says, emerging from his room.
“Why would I want to see it if it's so bad?”
“It's like a car crash where you just can't look away. It has Paris Hilton in it. The movie title itself proclaims her to be a 'hottie'.”
“Pretty bad marketing move on their part. Let's check this out, boot it up over there on good 'ole Sammy.”
(Sammy is the fairly outdated clunker of a computer Frank donated to the living room. It's short for Samantha.)
“The Hottie and the Nottie? Could you have a lamer movie title?”
“Christine Lakin is the 'Nottie'? She's so much hotter than Paris Hilton.”
“What's she been in?”
“I saw her in the Game Plan a couple of weeks ago. I checked her IMDB page, she's been in a couple of things here and there. Reefer Madness the Musical for instance.”
“So nothing good then? This movie looks horrible!”
“Even outside of the 'Paris Hilton is a skanky slutbag' angle, it still doesn't look good.”
“I'm not surprised I've seen no commercials for it.”
“What were they thinking casting her? I imagine she probably doesn't die horribly like in House of Wax either.”
“I'm certainly not going to watch it to find out.”
“Over/Under on how many millions this makes in the box office?”
“I'm thinking four. Max.”
“I'll take the under on that.”
“How much did Gigli make? Like six or seven? This looks even worse.”
Billy looks up the box office numbers. “It made just over six million in the US. Cost 54 million to make. Ouch...It got a 6% on Rotten Tomatoes.”
“Nine positive, 147 negative. I'm surprised nine people liked it.”
“It must be nice to have money. You can star in or make crappy movies whenever you want.”
“One day we're going to look back on this decade and cringe that Paris Hilton was even worthy of discussion.”
“One day? I think we're at that point already.”
“I agree. This movie is just a waste of energy to show on a screen. I feel bad for the people running the projectors that have to watch it. This is the kind of movie that movie critics refer to when they talk about 'paying their dues'.”
“You never know, maybe she does end up dying horribly in the end.”
“That should be in the trailer. It'd easily double their box office figures.”
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