Bagel Statistics

Welcome to the 6^th floor.

Today's contributors are: Sara, Frank

Subject: Bagel Statistics

It's early morning and Sara is up to have breakfast before going to work and Frank is still up from spending the night gambling and watching cartoons.

“What have we got to eat around here?”

“I picked up bagels yesterday. I think there is a French toast in there.”

“Yesterday? Bagels are only at 85% quality when they're a day old.”

“You could always toast it.”

“Toasted bagels are always a flat 70% quality.”

“Unless it's a frozen or non-New York bagel.”

“Well yeah, then toasting actually improves it, but it's still around 60-70%.”

“Why would you eat a non-New York bagel anyway?”

“We didn't have a whole lot of choice down in South Carolina. I barely remember what breakfast was like before I came up here and could have bagels everyday.”

“Probably healthier.”

“I wouldn't go that far. Southern food is anything but healthy.”

“What do you figure, bagels degrade exponentially?”

“Yeah. You figure it's around 85% after one day, but I'd say it drops to almost 60% by the day after, and becomes an almost inedible 25% by that third day.”

“That's why we freeze them after the first day or so.”

“Yup, it's just logical. Once the quality of the bagel drops closer to the toasted quality, you might as well freeze them to preserve them.”

“I really like frozen salt bagels after a day of sitting. The salt melts a little, and then you toast them and make them nice and warm, and salty without being overpoweringly salty.”

“And the toasting keeps them from being mushy from the melted salt, yeah.”

“Often a good topping, be it salt or everything or poppy can boost a bagel an extra 5% or so.”

“Yeah, that's true. A bad bagel is made worse when it's a plain bagel with no other flavor to hide behind. That's why I wish I could find a place that makes good chocolate cream cheese.”

“Chocolate? I've only seen chocolate chip, but I've always assumed it's way too sweet for a bagel.”

“They are. The chocolate taste is nice, but it's too sweet, they need to use dark chocolate or cocoa powder or something. I gotta go now, enjoy your day, or night, or whatever you're up to.”

“Don't work too hard.”

“Oh, I won't.”

Got Milk?

Welcome to the 6^th floor.

Today's contributors are: Sara, Tabitha, Scott.

Subject: Cleaning

Tabitha walks into the apartment, her nose picked up the pine-fresh scent of cleaning supplies. Looking around she notices Scott is cleaning the kitchen table.

“Am I in the right apartment? Someone besides me is cleaning? Scott is cleaning? I must be dreaming.”

“I figured I was due to do some cleaning up around here.”

“That's very nice of...wait! What'd you do?”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you spill something? Break something? What was it? What are you trying to cover up?” Tabitha walks over to the table and starts sniffing.

“Did you just..sniff..the table? Can't a guy lend a hand around here without getting the 2^nd degree?”

“You mean 3^rd degree.” Sara corrects from the couch.

“I had it right. First you came in here and gave me a hard time, and now Tabitha's on my case. That's two degrees.”

“Are you saying that you didn't spill something?”

“I'm just saying a guy should be able to clean his own table without being grilled by his roommates.”

“I'm surprised you even knew where the cleaning supplies were.”

“You had them under the sink. No creativity at all. Everyone puts their cleaning supplies under the sink.”

“Yes, you're so uncreative Tabitha. If Scott was putting things away, we could get the windex right out of the fridge.”

“And the ice cream would probably be stored in cabinets, and the milk would never leave the counter.”

“That's not true. Once the milk got chunky I'd probably throw it away.”

“Yeah, but you probably wouldn't empty the trash until it really started to smell.”

“Is there any other reason to empty the trash?”

“You know, some days I wish we could vote you out of the apartment.”

“Oooh! Survivor: 6^th Floor!”

“And that's how I'll catch you.” Tabitha opens up the trash and looks in, seeing two cartons of milk.

“Did you spill BOTH cartons of milk?!”

“No?”

“How'd you manage that? You know what, I don't want to know. You better be going downstairs to replace them.”

“I already got on him about that. I can't have breakfast in the morning without my milk.”

“I'll get the milk. Plenty of milk. We'll all get that milk.”

“Good. I'd hate for Sara to have to milk you in the morning.”

Tabitha walks into her room, ignoring Scott and Sara staring at her in shock at her comment.