Trash Talk

Welcome to the 6^th floor.

Today's contributors are: Sara, Frank

Subject: Trash Talk

“I see the Mets are making a habit of this September collapse thing.”

“Can it curse boy. The Mets are still the wild card leaders.”

“They were in first place this time last year too.”

“And Yankee games still mattered!”

“Can't win them all. So we have to wait another year for 27.”

“Yeah..good luck with that. Didn't Carl Pavano win more games than super rookies Hughes and Kennedy?”

“Big moves coming this offseason.”

“At least the Mets aren't talking about the offseason yet.”

“Give it another day.”

“We'll see!”

“We will. I wouldn't miss collapse part two for the world.”

Sara's Good News

Welcome to the 6^th floor.

Today's contributors are: Ann, Sara, Frank

Subject: Sara gets uplifting news

Sara bounces in from her room while Frank is playing poker in the living room and Ann is watching tv.

“Wow, someone looks like they got some good news. You find a job?”

“Better. The Mets traded for Johan Santana!”

“Really? Damn! I wanted the Yankees to get him. The Mets finally decided to part with that young outfielder?”

“Nope. Four prospects, they kept F-Mart and Pelfrey!”

“Wow. I can’t believe they didn’t want the Yankees package. Hughes has to be better than that package!”

“Guess not. Or maybe the Twins just couldn’t deal with that crazy Hank guy.”

“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree with that one.”

“I think Johan wanted to come to the National League anyway.”

“I’m disappointed, but you know what they say.”

“At least Boston didn’t get him?”

“Exactly.”

“As my friend over at Optimistic Mets Fan says, it’s a good day to be a bartender in Philadelphia.”

Keeping Tabs on Frank

Welcome to the 6^th floor.

Today's contributors are: Ann, Sara, Tabitha, Frank, Billy

Subject: Where are you?

Ann, Sara, Tabitha and Billy are milling about the apartment. Billy is in the kitchen looking for a snack, Tabitha is pacing in the hallway, and Ann and Sara are playing Dr. Mario.

“Let's go to Catalina's and get some food.”

“You know I'm in for that. We don't have anything munchy here.”

“There's some granola bars, an apple, and a jar full of cashews.”

“Eh. How about some mozzarella sticks, French fries or something else wonderful?”

“Whatever. I didn't want you eating my cashews anyway. I don't really want to go to Catalina's tonight. I'm kind of tired, and I was there all day.”

“You were on lunch shift today? Should've said something, I could've come up for lunch.”

“It's such a long trip for you, I wouldn't want you spending too much of your lunch hour commuting.”

“Yeah, the train ride can be a bummer. No one would even miss me in the office if I was 10 minutes late though.”

“The wonders of anonymous cubicles.”

“They do have some benefits. Like making you feel mind-numbingly alone even when you're surrounded by 100 people.”

“You guys see Frank today?”

“No. He wasn't up when I went to work this morning, but I just assumed he turned in early.”

“It's hard to keep track of that one. He should have his own time zone.”

“Frank Standard Time.”

“I haven't seen him all day, and he's not picking up his cell phone.”

“When was the last time you tried him?” Billy asks, between handfuls of cashews.

“I just tried him a couple of minutes ago. It went right to voicemail.”

“Could be in the subway.”

“Maybe.” Tabitha frowns. “Do you know something Billy?”

“Hmm? What would I know? I don't keep tabs on him.” says Billy, who is now eating out of a pint of chocolate fudge brownie ice cream.

“You usually know when he disappears though. Would you get a bowl already?”

“I only wanted a couple of bites.” Billy says, putting the pint back in the freezer.

Tabitha sighs, and picks up her cell phone again. “I guess I'll leave him a message. Not like he'll call me back anyway. Oh! It's ringing! Goody!”

Tabitha has a short conversation with Frank, and then hands up.

“Well! At least he's not dead. He says he's at the Trop, but he wouldn't elaborate.”

“The Trop? He's either at a casino in Atlantic City, or at a baseball stadium in Tampa Bay. Since the Devil Rays are no longer playing, I'd go with AC. Of course, maybe he's in on these Yankee meetings to decided Joe Torre's fate.”

“His fate? Are they hanging him?”

“No, his contract is up and they have to decide if they want to give him a new one for next year.”

“And this is a big secret meeting?”

“It's the Yankees. They try to make everything into a production.”

“He hasn't been to Atlantic City in a while. Did he say when he'd be back?”

“Nope. He rushed me off the phone, said he had to get back to his hand.”

“He's probably been playing all day. Okay, I'm done Sara.” Ann says, putting the controller down.

“I crushed you that time. Annihilated you!”

“Lucky. Don't let it go to your head.”

Playoff Race

Welcome to the 6^th floor.

Today's contributors are: Sara, Frank

Subject: Playoffs

“Argh!!” shouts Sara, throwing a newspaper across the room as the Mets lose in extra innings.

“Wow. They lost again huh? Some bullpen. I bet they don't even make the playoffs.”

“You're on. They'll still make the playoffs. The Phillies are worse.” Says Sara, somewhat unconvincingly.

“Let's make it better, I bet the Yankees go farther in the playoffs than the Mets.”

“$100?”

“Sounds good. It's win-win for you; If the Mets choke, you lose $100 but get refunding your playoff tickets.”

“I don't know if my heart can take them not making the playoffs. I might have to take that money and pay for the hospital bill, or at least therapy.”

“Doesn't surprise me that a Mets fan needs therapy, I mean you decided to vote for a loser in the first place.”

Sara throws the newspaper she had just retrieved at Frank. “Cocky aren't we? I think you'll find the Yankees have played their cards a little early, and will have nothing left in the postseason.”

“They've got plenty of cards, don't you worry yourself about it.”

“Oh yeah? Wanna bet?!”

“We just did dear.” Frank says, patting Sara on the head with the newspaper as he walks back to his room.

A Pirate's Life

Welcome to the 6^th floor.

Today's contributors are: Ann, Sara, Tabitha, Frank, Billy and Scott.

Subject: Water Water Everywhere, but not a Drop to Drink

“Where is everyone? I thought we were drinking tonight?” Scott asks as he walks into the living room.

“They went to see Stardust.”

“Stardust? I'm not even sure I know what that is. Why aren't we drinking again?”

“I don't know either. I thought it was a casino. Ann did say they'd drink when they got back. They went to an 8:00 showing I think.”

“I thought that casino closed down? It's only 8:15. I guess it won't be too late to drink when they get in.”

“Well...I did buy this bottle of rum thinking we'd be drinking all evening. We might as well open it up and taste it right?”

“Look at it sitting there on the counter. You can't just leave it there alone!”

“It wouldn't be fair to the rum. You're right; grab two glasses.”

“Woah! What are you doing with the coke?”

“Rum and coke? Have you heard of it?”

“Coke? Don't be a sissy. This a good bottle of rum, let's skip the mixers.”

“Shots then? We'll be drunk and passed out before they get back. They'll probably paint mustaches on us when they see us.”

“No, I was thinking of just pouring a glass of it and actually enjoying the flavor of the liquor.”

“Oh. Okay, I don't think I've ever had rum like that.”

“If you don't like it, we'll add some coke. Come on, we might as well watch the game too.”

“Wow, the Yankees are doing good again. I thought Fausto Carmona was a good pitcher?”

“No one can stop the Yankees lately.”

“This rum isn't bad. It's got a little bit of a kick though.”

“Add a splash of coke then. It'll soften the kick a little bit, but a splash won't obscure the nice taste.”

“Much better. See? All empty.” Scott says, holding up his glass.

“Fill it up then. Might as well enjoy it while it's fresh.”

“Certainly.”

Later...

“Couldn't wait huh?” Ann says, holding up the bottle of rum.

“Yo Ho Ho! And a bottle of ruuummm.” Scott slurs.

“I don't think you'd make a good pirate. There is no way either of you could sail in this condition.”

“How would you know? I might be an excellent sailor!”

“Are you?”

“I don't remember. Maybe a small boat?”

“I could sail!” Scott tries to make the steering motion and trips on the edge of the couch.

Billy laughs. “You've got the sea-legs down at least.”

“Since they drank all the rum, I'm fine with not drinking tonight. We can save it up and drink extra next weekend for Billy's birthday.”

“That's right! It's Billy's birthday! You want help planning something Tab?”

“I'd love to run the ideas I've had past you. Really nail down the details.”

“Hey, don't I get any input?”

“Nope. Just don't make other plans for next Saturday.”

“Right...got it. Are we at least going to have dinner on my actual birthday on Thursday?”

“I guess we can concede that, what do you think Ann?”

“Sure, but I don't think Tabitha is going to let you pick the place.”

“That's fine, I like surprises. Looking forward to it.” Billy winks and walks back to his room.

“Chuckie Cheese?”

Ann looks at Tabitha. “Are we letting her help now?”

“I'm not sure I'm over the pineapple debacle yet.”

“Oh come on! That could've happened to anyone.”

“There were fruit flies everywhere! It was like a biblical plague.”

“We got rid of them.”

“Okay, you can help, but we're keeping you away from the food.”

“Fair enough.”

Death of Blond Jokes

Welcome to the 6^th floor.

Today's contributors are: Ann, Sara, Tabitha, Frank, Billy and Scott.

Subject: Ann's Changes

We arrived at Catalina's at 10:30. Sara and Frank wanted to watch the game at home, not knowing if they'd have a seat with a good angle for the televisions at Catalina's. When we got there the crowd was thinning out a bit, but there was no one at the hostess stand, so we stood around waiting until a red-haired girl approached us with menus.

“Ann?! You dyed your hair!”

“You work here now?”

“Ann! Lookout, your hair is on fire!”

“Why didn't you tell us?”

“Can you get us a discount on drinks then?”

“Well I'm glad you approve. I did indeed dye my hair, I figured it was time for a change. I cannot get you a discount though. I'm off at 11, so I'll seat you now and join you after my shift. We can discuss how I've actually seen all of you recently and you didn't notice.”

“Wow, she looks so different.” Sara says as Ann walks away after seating them to finish her duties for the night.

“I know. It's a nice color on her though. Will definitely take some getting used to.”

“It eliminates the blond jokes too. Redhead jokes just aren't as funny.”

“I'm going to order a Killian's Irish Red to celebrate.”

“Me too. Here's Clarence now.”

Clarence: “Hi guys. Isn't Ann's hair just fabulous?”

“Just blazin'. It was quite a shock. So when did she start working here?”

Clarence: “Just yesterday afternoon. Usually we wouldn't have her working Friday night, but two of our regulars called in sick.”

“Sick sick? Or I have tickets to the Yankee game sick?”

Clarence: “My guess is the latter. Crazy game today huh? I didn't know the Yankees knew how to steal that many bases. And what was with all the swinging bunts?”

“No idea. I'll take it though. 10 of 11!”

Clarence: “They're definitely getting back on track. So what can I get you tonight?”

“Let's start with five Killian's Irish Red in honor of Ann.”

Clarence: “Sounds perfect. I'll be back shortly to ask you what overly greasy appetizers you want.”

“Ann isn't Irish is she?”

“I don't think so.”

“Then she's not really an 'Irish' Red.”

“Did you have a better drink to order?”

“Could have gotten strawberry margaritas.”

“Well there is always round two.”

“Very true. Ann's not even off yet.”

Clarence: “Here you guys are. Appetizers?”

“We are going to wait for Ann to order food. I imagine she's hungry.”

“We are? Oh fine. Could you bring us some breadsticks to hold me over?”

Clarence: “Certainly. The firecracker should be here shortly.”

“Firecracker?”

Clarence: “Yeah, I thought it up myself.”

“I kind of like it.”

“And here is Ann herself!”

“Introducing yourself? You really are a firecracker.”

“Firecracker? I guess it beats blond jokes.”

“Fess up! You said you've seen us in the last couple of days. Where?”

“Well I saw you at work. I was sitting in the corner on my laptop for about an hour on Tuesday.”

“What? No way..”

“Yup. I ordered a Java Chip Frappachino from..I can't remember the girl's name. The one with the nose ring.”

“Ring Girl.”

“Her real name Scott.”

“I don't know her real name. I've called her Ring Girl since she started working there.”

“I'm sure she loves that. Anyway, you actually made the drink for me, and handed it to me.”

“If you say so. I guess the hair totally messed with me. Of course, I rarely look at a pretty girl's face.. Wait, Frank was at Starbucks on Tuesday too. I remember because he complained about losing $100 to an idiot with jack five.”

“Fucking newb.”

“Yeah. I saw Frank there.”

“Wait, so why didn't you just say hello or something? Instead of stalking us from a distance?”

“I was going to when Scott didn't recognize me, but then I decided it'd be funny. Anyway, you guys did your own stalking it seems.”

“We certainly did..you were successful though. Where did you see me?”

“You don't have to worry about not recognizing me. I boarded one of your trains this week. I was in the front car and saw you. I wasn't sure it was you at first, but then I heard your announcement. 'Union Square. Transfer here for the N, R, Q, W, 4, 5, 6, 7 ,8 ,9, 10...wait, only the 4,5,6 I just can't help counting once I start.'”

“Ahh yes. I'm worse at 6^th, because then I have to start with 1,2,3. The nine used to help but then they abandoned that line.”

“Sara walked down the stairs and right past me onto the train on her way to work. This was earlier yesterday, I was coming home to pick up some clothes. If I was a little faster she would've actually seen me at home.”

“No guarantees. I can be very zombie-like in the morning.”

“Saved the best for last?”

“Certainly. You were walking on Park with your friend Melissa, and I suddenly stopped because I wanted to grab an Onion from one of the boxes, and you actually walked into me. I thought for sure you'd recognize me, but you just said 'excuse me' and hurried on your way.”

“Oops. Serves you right for suddenly stopping in front of me though. We were in a hurry, Melissa had made lunch reservations and we were running late.”

“So that's how I've been stalking you all week. Now to the important stuff, where's Clarence with our second round?”

Stalking the Barmaid

Welcome to the 6^th floor.

Today's contributors are: Sara, Tabitha, Frank, Billy and Scott.

Subject: Stalking the Barmaid

“Doesn't that Barmaid live somewhere around here?”

“I don't know, she doesn't exactly publish her location.”

“There are clues though.”

“Sure, how many bars could there possibly be in New York? I'm sure if you just go to each one you'll find her in no time.”

“Well there are clues to what neighborhood. That narrows it down, and there are a couple of us, we each hit three or four bars a night, and maybe we get lucky.”

“I'm not going barhopping by myself to find some random girl from the Internet!”

“That's your loss.”

“Okay, lets hit a couple and check it out. Are you going to come with Tab? It'll be just like going barhopping anyway.”

“No thanks. I'll just stay in tonight.”

“No fun! Let's go, you coming Frank?”

“Sure, not like I have anything better to do.”

“Sara?”

“Umm...No. I'm still hungover from those three margaritas you forced on me at lunch.”

“Ann? Oh, Ann's not here? Where is she? She's always been fond of stalking. Oh well, lets get going.”

The next morning...

Frank emerges from the bathroom. “Note to self, once you start reaching double-digit beers, it's time to stop.”

“Stop drinking or stop counting?”

Frank burps. “Probably both.”

“I think I have heartburn. I vaguely remember ordering food at every place we went.”

“Every place? How many places did you go to?”

“Well..I uhh..I don't know.”

“Well, that's a good sign. When you can't remember where you've been, you've usually been nowhere good. Did you actually find her or can you not remember that either?”

“I think we'd remember if we found her. Wouldn't we? I'm not sure.”

“I remember nachos, a corn dog, and potato skins. That's at least three bars.”

“Mozzarella sticks. I definitely remember those.”

“So four. Which blocks did we decide to walk down?”

“Well, we definitely went downtown. I distinctly remember turning left at the corner.”

“Yes, we definitely turned left, but we went to the other corner and turned left to go uptown!”

“No! We saw the moon as we were walking, so that must've been south.”

“What? How does that make any sense? Do you have any idea if the moon was in that part of the sky last night?”

“I'm sure. It was just hanging up there in the sky, I remember thinking it was bright and full.”

“Are you sure we didn't just go to a bar with 'Moon' in its name?”

“I don't think there are any bars like that near here.”

“Frank said he had a lot of beers, maybe one of them was a Blue Moon?”

“Yes! That does sound familiar!”

“So does that mean Frank was right and we went uptown?”

“Oh, I don't know. I barely remember anything.”

“You guys don't even know if she was working last night do you?”

“Well, if she updates her blog about last night we'll know.”

“You'll know she was working, but that won't help you remember if you were there or not.”

“I think this was a pretty hopeless quest. You guys don't want to do this again tonight right? I don't think I could handle that.”

“A little hair of the dog will do you good.”

“I'm out too, I can't do that every night. If we're meant to find her, we'll find her by accident. We shouldn't be stalking her anyway, that's not nice.”

“She's a Yankee fan anyway, why would you want to find her?”

Frank sticks his tongue out at Sara. “I need more Yankee fans in my life after living with you and your Mets for these 15 months.”

“We just need another television in the living room so we can have both games on, rather than doing that picture in picture stuff and fighting over what game gets the focus.”

“You know, that's an excellent idea!”

Subway Series Bet

Welcome to the 6^th floor.

Today's contributors are: Sara, Frank

Subject: Subway Series Bet

Ann's been bugging me to make a post about my friend who visited Monday. It would link in with an earlier post she made and she wants to try to have some post continuity on the blog, but I don't feel like writing about that right now. She'll have to settle for a post about the wager me and Sara made on the ballgames this weekend.

“That was an awesome win yesterday, the Yankees don't have a prayer to stop that kind of momentum.”

“The Yankees are going to start hitting eventually, it very well could be tonight. That is if Oliver Perez can find the plate, otherwise we'll just walk all over you.”

“Oh, he'll find the plate. Maybe he'll even allow less hits then his last outing.”

“There is no way the Yankees are being no-hit! Don't be ridiculous. I think the Yankees will come out of it, they're due for one of these 12 of 15 stretches to get right back in it. The Mets and the Red Sox are due for some losing too.”

“I wouldn't count on that. Would you like to bet on it?”

“Sure, what should we wager?”

“If the Mets win the series, you buy my alcohol when we go out next weekend. If the Yankees win, I'll buy yours. Either way we go up to the roof Monday night to see the http://newyork.mets.mlb.com/news/press_releases/press_release.jsp?ymd=20070517&content_id=1970755&vkey=pr_nym&fext=.jsp&c_id=nym”> Empire State Building displaying the colors of the victors.”

“Sounds good, but lets make it a little richer. If either team sweeps, we do the whole slave thing. You serve me my food, get me a drink when I ask..etc. Nothing crazy, just the normal stuff I don't feel like getting up to do.”

“Sounds good to me. I'll have you take out the trash, or update the blog when Ann starts in on me.”

“Speaking of which, weren't you supposed to update about your date as part of Ann's continuity thing? How'd it go?”

“It was..interesting. I will update, I just got back a little late and worked all day today and then we're going to Shea tonight.”

“Maybe we should escape to Shea before Ann notices we haven't updated like she asked.”