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Monday, June 18, 2007

Death of Blond Jokes

Welcome to the 6th floor.

Today's contributors are: Ann, Sara, Tabitha, Frank, Billy and Scott.

Subject: Ann's Changes

We arrived at Catalina's at 10:30. Sara and Frank wanted to watch the game at home, not knowing if they'd have a seat with a good angle for the televisions at Catalina's. When we got there the crowd was thinning out a bit, but there was no one at the hostess stand, so we stood around waiting until a red-haired girl approached us with menus.

Ann?! You dyed your hair!”

You work here now?”

Ann! Lookout, your hair is on fire!”

Why didn't you tell us?”

Can you get us a discount on drinks then?”

Well I'm glad you approve. I did indeed dye my hair, I figured it was time for a change. I cannot get you a discount though. I'm off at 11, so I'll seat you now and join you after my shift. We can discuss how I've actually seen all of you recently and you didn't notice.”

Wow, she looks so different.” Sara says as Ann walks away after seating them to finish her duties for the night.

I know. It's a nice color on her though. Will definitely take some getting used to.”

It eliminates the blond jokes too. Redhead jokes just aren't as funny.”

I'm going to order a Killian's Irish Red to celebrate.”

Me too. Here's Clarence now.”

Clarence: “Hi guys. Isn't Ann's hair just fabulous?”

Just blazin'. It was quite a shock. So when did she start working here?”

Clarence: “Just yesterday afternoon. Usually we wouldn't have her working Friday night, but two of our regulars called in sick.”

Sick sick? Or I have tickets to the Yankee game sick?”

Clarence: “My guess is the latter. Crazy game today huh? I didn't know the Yankees knew how to steal that many bases. And what was with all the swinging bunts?”

No idea. I'll take it though. 10 of 11!”

Clarence: “They're definitely getting back on track. So what can I get you tonight?”

Let's start with five Killian's Irish Red in honor of Ann.”

Clarence: “Sounds perfect. I'll be back shortly to ask you what overly greasy appetizers you want.”

Ann isn't Irish is she?”

I don't think so.”

Then she's not really an 'Irish' Red.”

Did you have a better drink to order?”

Could have gotten strawberry margaritas.”

Well there is always round two.”

Very true. Ann's not even off yet.”

Clarence: “Here you guys are. Appetizers?”

We are going to wait for Ann to order food. I imagine she's hungry.”

We are? Oh fine. Could you bring us some breadsticks to hold me over?”

Clarence: “Certainly. The firecracker should be here shortly.”


Clarence: “Yeah, I thought it up myself.”

I kind of like it.”

And here is Ann herself!”

Introducing yourself? You really are a firecracker.”

Firecracker? I guess it beats blond jokes.”

Fess up! You said you've seen us in the last couple of days. Where?”

Well I saw you at work. I was sitting in the corner on my laptop for about an hour on Tuesday.”

What? No way..”

Yup. I ordered a Java Chip Frappachino from..I can't remember the girl's name. The one with the nose ring.”

Ring Girl.”

Her real name Scott.”

I don't know her real name. I've called her Ring Girl since she started working there.”

I'm sure she loves that. Anyway, you actually made the drink for me, and handed it to me.”

If you say so. I guess the hair totally messed with me. Of course, I rarely look at a pretty girl's face.. Wait, Frank was at Starbucks on Tuesday too. I remember because he complained about losing $100 to an idiot with jack five.”

Fucking newb.”

Yeah. I saw Frank there.”

Wait, so why didn't you just say hello or something? Instead of stalking us from a distance?”

I was going to when Scott didn't recognize me, but then I decided it'd be funny. Anyway, you guys did your own stalking it seems.”

We certainly were successful though. Where did you see me?”

You don't have to worry about not recognizing me. I boarded one of your trains this week. I was in the front car and saw you. I wasn't sure it was you at first, but then I heard your announcement. 'Union Square. Transfer here for the N, R, Q, W, 4, 5, 6, 7 ,8 ,9, 10...wait, only the 4,5,6 I just can't help counting once I start.'”

Ahh yes. I'm worse at 6th, because then I have to start with 1,2,3. The nine used to help but then they abandoned that line.”

Sara walked down the stairs and right past me onto the train on her way to work. This was earlier yesterday, I was coming home to pick up some clothes. If I was a little faster she would've actually seen me at home.”

No guarantees. I can be very zombie-like in the morning.”

Saved the best for last?”

Certainly. You were walking on Park with your friend Melissa, and I suddenly stopped because I wanted to grab an Onion from one of the boxes, and you actually walked into me. I thought for sure you'd recognize me, but you just said 'excuse me' and hurried on your way.”

Oops. Serves you right for suddenly stopping in front of me though. We were in a hurry, Melissa had made lunch reservations and we were running late.”

So that's how I've been stalking you all week. Now to the important stuff, where's Clarence with our second round?”


Starr01 said...

As a redhead i think we have just as much fun as blondes....
That is so funny that none of your friends recognized you even when they walked right into you!

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! LOL


Artful Dodger said...

A red head huh? Neat. I had to read the last few posts to see what's going on. I've been slacking on my reading.

Anonymous said...

um don't you start out saying that frank and sara are staying at home but then they're all in the convo?

Frank said...

Sorry for the confusion Anonymous. Generally, and this one was no different, baseball games run about three hours and start at 7. We arrived at 10:30, I meant that we didn't get there earlier because we had to wait for the game to end.

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